Why are the airlines losing money? Because we are too fat, apparently. Bigger butts = more jet fuel = higher costs.

Alan Keyes has yet to comprehend why he lost. It's the media's fault, and those turn-coat Republicans who voted for Obama, not the fact that he is a bull-goose loony.

For just $20, the DVD can be yours! Ralph Nader, driven to distraction by the irrelevency of his campaign, gets his Cartman on and has a tea party mock debate with puppets. Finally, a race he is qualified to win!

Preventing Outsourcing = RACISM!!! The writer of this article compares David Duke's well documented ongoing racism to John Edwards' stance that domestic jobs should not be outsourced to foreign countries (which would cause Americans to lose their jobs and sources of income which would instead go to people abroad who work for pennies against the dollar). Apparently Edwards' views are bigotry at its worst, and is the direct reason that this individual will vote for Bush.

Genetically engineered poodle kitties You can now own your very own genetically engineered, allergy-free pussycat. No more, "I love them, but I can't get near them."

Things to do with chainsaws... How about turning a bunch of them into a motorcycle? Somehow, I don't think I am the only one who wouldn't want a dozen or so chainsaws between my legs.

Sims Abuse One very twisted Sims player decided to drive her Sims mad, mad, MAD I tell you! (via BoingBoing)

End of the road for St. Bernards? Another service displaced by modern technology.

Cops kill Starbucks smoker It wasn't too much caffeine, apparently, but his refusal to obey the new smoking policy at the cafe. I used to be a smoker, and I was always conscious of non-smokers around me and tried to be unobtrusive. I can't imagine getting to the state that I would take on a cop with a Taser just to have a smoke, but the aggressor had a history of violent clashes with the cops. It sounds like the police did everything to subdue him appropriately, yet still things got out of control. Do we need to quarantine smokers, or can we coexist peacefully?

Deutsche Welle, now in Klingon!

Cows Against Sex Citizens of a small Dutch village are so outraged by amorous locals engaging in public sex, they are resorting to cows to clean up the neighborhood. "...Apparently the presence of the cows turns the people off having sex," the mayor said.

60MPH in a what? Giuseppe Cannella had a big surprise for his mother-in-law when he put a jet engine on the back of her wheelchair...

I'm a cow

Savage Love is running a column this week on guys' misconceptions about sex when they were kids. They range from the innocent to the bizarre. Next week, we get the female perspective on the same topic. more inside

Spotting Astroturf Real has messed with their bitch-o-site again (freedomofchoicemusic.org). You can't see the signers on their petition anymore (and the number of signers has magically shrunk to about 2275), and you can read an utterly disingenuous piece of propaganda masquerading as a faux Q&A session with Rob Glazer. Sample disinformation: "You buy a CD and you can play it back on any CD player.  That’s the way it’s been for decades.  Now Apple has tried to change the rules on consumers, but without warning." more inside

Playboy to publish a, um, er, spread of videogame character The next step in the sexual union of man and machine, or computer porn? I'm not against porn, per se, but doesn't this raise porn standards to impossible heights? How could any real person be as perfectly proportioned as a cgi? Will this cause a new generation of even more socially inept geeks? [link via BoingBoing, scroll part way down]

Want to smell like you just got a Hummer? Since destroying the environment is so much better when the driver (male only, of course) is properly accessorized, Hummer cologne is now available for consumption. '"It's got credibility with men," said Adrian Ellis, "What other brand for men would make more sense?"'

Cops Use Taser on Charley victim A guy, in his minivan, with his three kids, just wanted to go back to his house. Florida police officers decided to swat the fly with a Buick and drag him from his van and "subdue" him with their Taser, while the crowd surrounding objects vociferously. Charming video for you all to watch. [link via Sensible Erection.]

Costco wants your final purchase Only $799 and deliverable within 48 hours. Discounts to the bitter end!

eBay aquires 25% of Craigslist One of the greatest (and quietest) successes on the internet, Craigslist is now 25% owned by eBay. Craigslist was founded by Craig Newmark, and has been a fixture of the Bay Area for almost a decade and has now spread out to cities world-wide. [story spotted on kottke.org]. more inside